I did the accidental splits last night and today I am rocking a pulled hamstring. How does one manage the accidental splits, you ask? It requires a lot of wine and a slippery pair of socks. You want to make sure to do it as you get off the couch and do it right in front of your husband, who is watching with a mixture of horror and amusement. Incidentally, that is his reaction to about 9/10ths of everything I do.
Life has been a series of interesting events lately, ranging from funerals to tonsillitis to my daughter’s first steps to pulled hammies. Do people call hamstring muscles “hammies?” I feel like I heard that somewhere. Like in my imagination. Somewhere in my head is a muscle head stretching in short shorts and saying ridiculous shit like “just gotta stretch the old hammies.”
I became a Contributing Editor to a really awesome poetry journal: Radius Lit. You can read my first contribution here. It’s about motherhood and poetry. I know I know. Cut me some slack. It’s all I know right now.
Well, I also know all of the words to “Barnyard Dance” and I know how do the world’s ugliest splits.
Next weekend I am doing a poetry reading at the state’s book festival; my first reading in a very long time. It’s good. Like scraping the barnacles off the hull of a boat. Why did I just compare myself to a boat? I’m nervous about it, but I’m more nervous about the networking I’m going to force myself to do. Every introvert’s nightmare kind of stuff here. But I have had a few more poetry acceptances and that is nice.
Right now the small dachshund is whining from her crate, although it’s not full blown whining, more like a strange guttural sound that sounds like a question. She’s on strict orders to be “crate rested” for three weeks. She’s also on a shit ton of painkillers. Turns out Buttons the dog has the exact same disk disease as me. What are the odds? When the vet sat me down to go over the x-rays and started talking about slipped disks and genetics, I forgot for a minute that she wasn’t talking about me. So here is my dog. Weird little body, grumpy and in pain. Truly her mother’s daughter.
Yeah ew ok that was rough. Ruff?
Please, let me leave this entry with a little dignity… just gonna hobble away on my one good hammy.